One Step
by Chilipop
Summary: “What if I killed him because he hates me? Why should HE hate ME” "If you hate someone you should expect to be hated in return." "... please… no more…" "Hate brings Hate." Shizaya.
1. 4th Step

**ONE STEP**

_DISCLAIMER: Durarara belongs to Narita._

_WARNINGS: Coarse language (I don't expect Shizuo's and Izaya's speech to be flowery)_

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**One Step: _Fourth_ Step**

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"Look… emmm…"

**If you hate someone you should expect to be hated in return.**

"Celty!" Shinra had a remorseful spark in his eyes. He had been aware of the consequences beforehand but his curiosity betrayed him. And now Shizuo sat on his couch, his gaze fixed upon a small hole in the wall that caught his attention. Shinra knew that Shizuo would soon move over his troubled and distressful state to a never ending depressive route. If Shizuo wasn't strong enough to control his anger, how would he deal with depression?

"It's been a whole week since the experiment. Those nightmares should end soon-"

"Shut up." Shizuo murmured in a soft voice with a clearly dangerous tone.

**It's no use. I don't think those nightmares will end up shortly. Trust me, I know this.** Celty showed Shinra her PDA, and the young doctor could feel her uneasiness.

"So what if I killed him?" Shizou answered in that soft voice that everyone dreaded. Because they knew what always came after.

"What if I killed him because he hates me? Why should HE hate ME"

"Shizuo-kun, please… the fridge… the food-"

"I want to kill him again. And revive him. And kill him again. And Again, and again, and againagain "

Shinra stood up, wanting to stop him but Celty patted his shoulder.

**Give him some time alone.**

Shinra looked at her, with a worried expression, begging her to tell him to stop his childhood friend. Celty shook her head and pointed at Shizuo, who seemed to be calming down a bit. The blonde got tired and threw the fridge, which broke a small table and the vases that were placed on it without counting the damage that it made to the walls.

"… when he died… his body… he looked so fragile…"

**See?** Shinra smiled at her.

"I… I just… All these years I thought he was powerful… a complete bastard… yet, when he died… He… smaller …. person… pale and skinny… delicate… soft… that lifeless body… couldn't belong … he… Izaya… bastard..."

And that was when Shizuo finally broke down and cried. Between his sobs, all what Celty and Shinra could hear was "hatehatehatehatehatehateha-"

"Shi-" Shinra stopped, looking at Celty to see her reaction. When he saw her neck nodding, he continued. "Shizuo-kun… Izaya is in Shinjuku. You can go the-"

"shutupshutshut-SHUT-UP! ... please… no more…"

**Don't be a coward.**

Shizuo raised his head. If Celty had a face, he was sure that she would have an angry and determined expression. And possibly she might also-

SLAP

…him.

**So you prefer to be depressed and keep drinking? While Izaya is happy?**

"He hates me, Celty"

Shinra controlled his own hand from hitting his forehead with a great speed. Celty just shook her head in disbelief.

**Hate brings hate.**

"I hate him too."

'Then WHY angst about him' Shinra thought. He was usually composed but this was getting a bit on his nerves. So Shizuo found out Izaya hates him more than what he initially thought. Hate is still hate. He couldn't understand Shizuo at times like this. He was a doctor, not a psychologist. Although in this case, he would need a psychiatrist.

**Then nothing has changed. He hates you. You hate him.**

"Still… why sh-"

**Go to Shinjuku. Confront him. The worst scenario is that you end up hating each other even more. And that's basically the current situation.**

Shizuo sighed and continued to stare at the hole in the wall. He remained silent for several minutes, but then he smiled. A weak smile. He made up his mind.

"Thanks… Celty. You are always a big help, aren't you?

**Np :) Glad that you are feeling better.**

"What about me?"

Both Celty and Shizuo decided that the best answer for that question was their deafening silence.


	2. 5th Step

**One Step: Fifth Step.**

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It was a clear night. A few weak clouds attempted to cover the round, yellow moon. The breeze was cold, as expected from a winter's night. 'At least it isn't raining', Izaya thought as he embraced himself. His long, fluffy jacket wasn't as warm as it normally used to be. He was feeling pissed off today.

"Why do I let it bother me so much?" He murmured under his breath.

He heard footsteps and dreaded what came next.

"Hmm… are you Usod-"

"Go ahead. Kill yourselves."

The girls stared at him in disbelief. Izaya felt astonished when he heard his own voice. He should be tricking and torturing his precious human beings.

"We… we thought that we would all di-"

"Then die and fuck off."

They couldn't believe that this young man was the same kind guy stuck in a horrible situation. The poor, man with a horrible childhood who wished nothing more but to die gracefully.

"Why die? There's nothing there."

"There's heav-"

"Heaven. Heaven. Heaven. So, you'll become angels right? And have those white wings and those halos and stay young and pretty and do nothing but just stay there, being bored to death. Wow, heaven sounds like fun."

"Usode-san…" one of the girls spoke. "I know that you are under an intense situation, so we know how you feel-"

"YOU? YOU BITCH? YOU THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL?"

The girls stepped back in fear. This wasn't the man they chatted with. His face was filled with hatred, his forehead filled with wrinkles from his anger and his eyes had nothing more than a deep contemptuous glare.

"So… you want to die, right? May I kill you now?"

Of course he wasn't going to do it. He just wanted to see her scared expressions and their struggles. Somehow, it wasn't that fun today. He was too annoyed.

"Just jump."

"USODE-SAN! Pleaseeee. Don't be angry because your father raped your little sister and made you do weird things so that he could win a lot of money with child pornography and-?

"Look. Have you ever been TROLLED before? Hello? Welcome to the World. They were lies. Now, I'm extremely pissed off, so leave.

"You… you lied to us…"

Izaya decided not to answer. He knew that those annoying girls would stare at him at disbelief for a few minutes, then maybe slap him or shout at him, who knows, who cares. And then, they would either leave or end up killing themselves. Whatever it was, it's their problem. He's not the one who wants to commit suicide. He wanted to be eternal and never face death.

"Shizuo."

No, it was no longer Shizu-chan. It's Shizuo now.

He stared at the city lights. He wanted to forget about everything. Shizuo was probably happy, celebrating that he managed to "kill" him. What if that had happened in reality? If Shizuo really choked him to death. He was too afraid of death to think about any situations like that. And he was much more afraid of Shizuo. He expected a severe beating, maybe being sent to the hospital because of the bleeding and bruises. But he never expected to be killed for real… with that passion and self satisfaction Shizuo's face had.

Said person was now standing behind him.

The fresh air of the clear night was tainted with the aroma of cigars.


	3. 8th Step

**One Step: _Eight_ Step**

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"Mikadooooo! Let's go to a karaoke! Simon pays, after all!"

Simon sighed. He couldn't complain after all. It was his fault that the sushi he gave the trio had a cockroach inside. Not really his fault, it was the cockroach's fault for sneaking inside the plate. Wait, it was his fault because he didn't check the hygienic status of the restaurant. No, it was the fault of the hired cleaning service for not doing well their job.

"Simon? Are you ok? You look troubled?"

He gave Mikado a weak smile.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"-and then I MUNCHED on this delicccioous sushi but I never imagined the shrimp to be that crispy so I took a piece of it out of my mouth and VOILA a tiny cockroach! Then I s-"

Kida wouldn't stop. He wouldn't get tired of telling and retelling his horrible experience with the cockroach, even if he wasn't the only one that had the creature inside his sushi. Anri was quick to notice that before taking a bite.

"Which was it? Menai Karaoke? What kind of karaoke is that? Surely it is a cheap one, with only 5 songs and no lyrics on them, hahahahaaa."

"It's here." Simon said.

Mikado gasped.

Melodic Nights

It was… indescribable. Such a tall building with a modern design… filled with yellowish lights that accentuated the luxurious decorations and the beautiful palm trees around the place.

"Of course, we need to take care of the business image. After all-"

"WOAH!!! Thanks Simon, you are the best! It's so-"

"Well, it's a hotel with its own casino and karaoke."

"Kida-kun, don't tell me you thought that the whole building was filled with karaoke rooms?"

Masaomi had a goofy smile on his face.

"Who cares? Mikado! Anri! Let's GO! Uhh… What?!"

Simon had forgotten that you had to be over 18 in order to enter such place. He sighed once again. He would have to spend the whole night babysitting them. He clenched his fist and reminded himself that he did this for the sake of the Russian Sushi image.

"Woooow! This karaoke room is so large! Oh, I see, there are 15 tables, and 8 people per table. And when they want to sing, they write the table number, the song code and-"

"Kida-kun… please slow down."

This place brought Simon old memories. He remembered when he hanged out with Tom and Shizuo and sang Enka while Shizuo just sat there smoking. Also, when someone kept on choosing songs and wouldn't let the other tables sing, or when a table refused to sing their selection because they didn't feel like it, then Shizuo would grab the huge plasma tv and throw it.

Most of the tables were full except for one that had only two people. He couldn't see who they were. All he knew was that there was a strong hand caressing an upper leg in a slow but vicious motion. The man's hand slid upwards, getting nearer to- Simon decided to stop looking and blushed. After all, this was a place for adults, not for teenagers, even if the purpose was singing and having fun.

Something bothered him. He felt he recognized that hand. Looking a bit more wouldn't hurt him.

Another hand, belonging to whomever that leg was, playfully tried to push the hand away with no real intention to stop the groping. Simon was starting to get a little bit aroused until he noticed one thing. No, two things: the smaller hand had a silver ring. Also, the black sleeve was fluffy.

So someone was "flirting" with Izaya. And it looked like if Izaya "flirted" back, since he suddenly separated his legs a little bit and leaned backwards, allowing the larger hand to assault and shamelessly grope his –Simon blushed and coughed- as the other man pleased. The hand slid into Izaya's jeans for a short while, then came out and grabbed the informant's back, pushing him against the other man's body. Both erections, now touching, were clearly visible under their jeans. Then, that vicious, hungry hand began to grope Izaya's bottom. He could hear a coarse and deep voice saying 'My slut. I'll thrust into you so hard... so hard that my throbbing dick will reach and rip apart your throat…'

Simon had to stop Izaya and the other horny man before the kids could see them. Specially Mikado, since he was so naïve.

"Gentlemen, please, would you stop-"

What... on Earth...?

This made no sense.

"Sh---Shizuo?"


	4. 1st Step

**One Step: _First_ Step**

"…What?"

"_Brionglóid Radharc.__ Celty found it while searching for her head. It's an ancient technology used by Dullahan. With this, you have the power to enter into the minds of other people. I don't know how it works, and the Y-… my client is dying to try it. They won't accept any mistakes, so I was asked to experiment with it myself. Although I can't because someone needs to stay behind and check the status of the person under the effects of the Brionglóid Radharc in case something bad occurs."_

_"Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?"_

Shizou knew that wasn't a valid statement. After all, Celty, one of his best friends, was a mythical creature. So, after hanging out with Celty, he could pretty much believe those sorts of stories. Even so, entering into someone's minds was a little bit too much. Wasn't it an invasion of privacy?

**Be straightforward.**

"Uh… Shizou-kun~ Would you-"

"…"

He wanted to say no. He really wanted to. But he was the one that said 'Thanks for helping me Shinra, I'll repay you. Yes, with anything you want'.

"Don't you prefer sushi?" Shizuo grunted.

"I knew I couldn't count with you." Shinra sighed sadly. "I know it's complicated but… just forget about it. Hahaha… what was I thinking… Sushi is fine. Now then, I shall call Iza-"

**SHH! YOU STUPID.**

"Ah… I'm sorry I didn't mean to, I'll hang up, I just thought, I, well,…"

Please, put down the sofa.

There was a deafening silence. Shizuo apologized and slowly placed the furniture in its original place.

"I'll do it. I don't want the flea to enter into my mind."

**He probably won't, even if he tries.**

Shinra adjusted his glasses and Shizuo exhaled.

"That's right, unfortunately, for us, we are only able to enter the mind of the person we are the most curious about. Dullahan use it to enter into the minds of those victims that interest him."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not curious about anyone."

"Oh? But I thought that you wanted to know about – OUCH!"

Celty punched Shinra's stomach.

"So, how long does it take?"

"No more than an hour. Want to start now?"

"Yes. The shorter this crap lasts, the better for me."

"Well then. The necessary equipment for the operation is in that room."

Shizuo threw his cigarette away and walked towards said room. It was filled with wires and machinery. It looked like an electrical chair.

"Please sit down."

"I think you'll owe me this time." Shizuo still doubted if he made the right choice. He knew he was doing it mainly for Shinra. He had always been his friend, no matter how many times he twisted his hand, how scary he got or how he ignored him. Plus, today Shinra saved him and he owed him a lot. Otherwise he would probably be in jail right now for something he didn't partially do.

"Yes. Yes. Now, I'll start placing the wires around your body." Please take off your glasses too. Celty, would you bring me that pill?"

"Is your Brinahaorhad … in that pill?"

"_Brionglóid Radharc.__ And no, this is a pill for motion sickness. Entering into someone's mind can cause you heavy nauseas._"

**Not 'can'. 'Will'.**

Shizuo recognized that pill, he used to take it when he felt ill during those times he was hospitalized. He swallowed it and closed his eyes, praying that Shinra's crazy experiment was as fast as it could be. Finally, he submerged into a sleep state.

"Shin-chan! You called~?"

"Ah! Izaya! Not really, I thought that he wouldn't do it so I wanted to- Izaya? Izaya? Are you ok? Izaya?"

Izaya now laid on the floor, his eyes lacked the usual spark and he could barely breathe.

The person whose mind is being explored is unable to move until…

Shinra released Izaya's shoulders and gave up on his attempt to wake him up.

"Until what?"


	5. 2nd Step

**One Step: _Second_ Step**

His mind was fuzzy. Shinra was right, he was feeling nausea. Shizuo stood up and decided to look at his surroundings. If it wasn't slightly blurry he would swear that this was reality.

He was standing in the middle of the park.

"This sucks. I told Shinra I wouldn't enter into anyone's mind."

He found a pair of childish eyes staring curiously at him. It was a young, delicate boy, with a kindergarten uniform, holding a strawberry lollipop.

Shizuo heard a man scream behind him. He realized the kid wasn't looking at him but at whatever was happening behind him.

A middle aged woman was said man with her kitchen knife. She finally reached him and stabbed him. The grass was dirtied with the blood and tears. The man fell down and the wife had a psychotic expression on her face.

The small kid approached the lady.

"_Why did you kill him_?"

It wasn't an accusing or menacing voice. The question had a childish, curious and cautious tone, as if the little boy was asking 'where do babies come from'.

"HE… HE DID AWFUL THINGS TO ME!"

"My sisters do awful things to me too. They bite my fingers and pull my hair."

The woman was breathing heavily, her eyes covered with dark circles and her whole neck was reddish, with all of its muscles threatening to tear apart its skin.

"He… he slept with my sister… So… So I killed him."

"If someone does something bad, do you kill them?"

"YES. YESYESYESYES."

Shizuo's eyes hurted. He blinked and found himself in the same park, with the same scenery. Except that there was no woman here and the boy looked a little older.

This time, the boy stared at the middle aged woman, who was slowly dying from massive blood loss on the park. She was shot by a younger man in a tuxedo.

"Did she do something bad?" The smaller boy asked. "She told me that when you do something bad, you need to be killed. Mommy says it isn't true. Daddy says that you must forgive."

"Huh? Something bad? Mmmm not really. She didn't do anything."

The kid became even more curious.

"Then why did you kill her?"

"I wanted the money. She took a lot of money from the bank so I followed her here. I was the bad guy. Haha." The young boy smiled.

"So you kill people when you do something bad?"

"No. No kid. You do it for the sweet money… Imagine how many lollipops you can buy with this shit, hahaha."

Shizuo was feeling tired. He closed his eyes again.

When he opened them once again he found himself in a deserted ally. There was the same kid. He was apparently in lower school. Once again, he was staring at a scene: A teenager was being gang raped. Shizuo wanted to protect the child from being seen by those brutal beasts but no matter how hard he tried to warn him, the kid wouldn't listen. This was a dream after all.

"Why did you kill her?"

Again, that question filled with curiosity.

"We didn't mean to kill her. She just died because she couldn't stand it."

"But you inserted that knife into her thingie."

"Yeah, but the bitch loved that"

"But there was a lot of blood"

"Cool, right?"

'Please' Shizuo thought. 'I want to wake up.' He leaned on a wall, clenched his fists and placed his forehead on the wall's surface. He closed his eyes as hard as he could. 'Whoever this kid is, he'll end up being messed up. I can't stand seeing this kid look at these monstrous events.

"She looked like she was in a lot of pain."

"We love that. That's why fucked that bitch."

"So you cause pain because-"

"Because we like it kiddo."

His eyes were closing once again, no matter how much he fought against it.

He didn't want more of these.

More memories of this child who questions human beings and their brutal acts.

This pure child that is only interested in those violent, cruel acts.

The next scene involved a male teen who woke up in an abandoned house.

"Why are you in a shower filled with ice? Aren't you cold?"

"Yes I am."

"So why?"

"Because they took away my organs"

"Why?"

"Because they will sell them at a high price."

'STOP! STOP! STOP! SHINRA GET ME OUT OF HERE! I'M GOING INSANE. I'M GOIN-'

"Does it hurt?"

"Doesn't matter. I wanted to kill myself anyways."

Shizuo banged his head against the imaginary wall. He forced his eyelids to stay open but his iris rolled backwards and thus he was sent to the next scenario. The child was older, presumably in his first year of middle school. This time there was a suspicious young man standing near the door of the school.

"Something wrong, kid?"

The child stared at him without uttering a word.

"I'm just waiting here until those two people arrive, kill themselves and then I'll get their money."

"You will kill them?"

"No. They will kill each other. Without me."

"How do you know?" The kid was curious.

"Because I know a lot!" The man winked "I research info."

"So you can avoid bad things?"

"Yes, I can. And I can also use them to my advantage."

"That sounds incredible!"

"Isn't it?" The man smiled and laughed.

Shizuo was glad that it wasn't another one of those strong scenes. He allowed his own eyelids to close this time.

"Teacher? Teacher?"

The little kid asked the older woman.

"Why do you want to kill yourself? Teacher?"

The woman caressed the little boy's head.

"No one understands me. Specially the law."

Eyelids closed once again.

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That never ending nightmare of brutal human acts seemed to have stopped at last. Shizuo's eyes were red, he was shaking and wanted to throw up.

The child was now in middle school. He was listening to some gossiping.

"Hey, hey! Do you know that there's a kid that throws heavy things at people?"

Shizuo knew who they were talking about.

"He also is able to deal with the gangs and can also lift motorcycles."

"He's amazing!"

The child stood up.

"What's so amazing about it?"

The whole class was silent.

"What's so amazing about that hypocrite? Huh? Tell me? 'I want to be strong, so I can control my anger', BULLSHIT"

"Aren't you a big hypocrite… SHIZUUUU-CHAAAANNN~!!!

The kid looked at Shizuo for the first time and smiled at him... with a twisted, psychotic smile.


	6. 3rd Step

**One Step: _Third_ Step**

"What are you doing here, Shizu-chan~"

He slowly turned around and met the adult Izaya's eyes.

"What are you doing in my mind? Haven't you heard of privacy?"

The little kid grew up and was now dressed in its high school uniform.

"Oh. So that's why I've been able to enter my own mind just now. Because I remember you from this time and this little kid realized that the stranger in his dream was you. So my conscience called me here."

The little kid was no longer little. He became teenager Izaya.

"Oohh… so that's the day we first met. Romantic! Isn't it?"

It showed a teenager Shizuo trying to punch Izaya but the latest skillfully defended himself with his knife.

Then, more scenes followed. All of them involving Shizuo trying to hit Izaya, specially during P.E

HYPOCRITE ANIMAL HIPOCRITE BRUTE JERK HATE

There was no longer a blue sky. What once had clouds and a shining sun was filled with harsh words and phrases.

WHY CAN'T HE JUST DIE?

WHY DOES HE COME HERE AND RUIN EVERYTHING?

WHY WON'T HE LISTEN TO ME?

WHY CAN'T I USE HIM?

The scenes showed the gangs attacking Shizuo but failing.

IF YOU CAN'T DIE, I WANT YOU GIVE HELL TO YOU

"Izaya…"

IF YOU DIE, IT'S EASY. I WANT YOU TO SUFFER.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

The scene showed a teenager Izaya saying "Shizu-chaaann" while Shizuo threw him a vending machine.

DIE DIE FUCK HATE RUINED BY YOU THEN RUINED BY ME FIE FDKLKASLJFALSSA FA)UFDIE

The words started to lose sense.

WHY WON'T U LISTEN TO ME WHY WON'T YOU WANT WHY YOU DIE HELL DIE LIVING

FEEL HELL IN EARTH

FEEL HELL IN EARTH

FEEL IT

The scene portrayed Shizuo being arrested for Izaya's crime.

Somehow it didn't make Shizuo angry anymore.

He said he didn't like Izaya from the beginning. And when he didn't like someone, he openly showed it.

Izaya was a cruel bastard, that kept messing up with people and that needed to be punished. However, many told him that the only thing that kept him sane was his hatred for him. Once again, why did he hate him? He didn't like cruel people. That was why.

If he hated him, then why did it hurt him so much to see those messages?

Why did his chest ache when he heard 'Shizu-chan' next to the insults?

Suddenly, the sky was white. There was no floor. Everything turned white. Both adult Izaya and Shizuo stared at each other.

"No matter what you are thinking, this is my mind. And it means I control it completely. Thus, I know about that rubbish you are thinking right now."

"Why do you hate me so much?"

"Oh? Is Shizu-chan hurt?"

"I just wanted to know what right you had to hate me! I should be the one hating you, bastard! I SHOULD HATE YOU MORE!" 'But why do I feel as if he hates me more than I do…'

"I hate you more because my hate is true and justifiable. Yours is just your anger management problem with a person you don't like. So even when you say 'kill him, kill him, kill Izaya' what you are really thinking is 'I don't like him'. Not necessarily kill me. Like an angry girl who whispers that she'll kill her parents because they don't buy her the doll. She's angry in order to say things like that but she doesn't mean it. It's because she's angry."

"WHY WOULD I-"

**"YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!"**

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN

The white sky was once again tainted by the messages. Above, Below… everywhere he looked at. Like a computer error.

"I hate you anyways. Because it's you. And you. And I hate Shizuo. I hate you because you interfere with my plans and screw everything.

LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES

LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES….

"Oh… Izaya-kun… your conscience says you are lying…"

Izaya had a bitter smile.

"I hate you because you try to hit me everywhere I go."

YOU LIKE IT YOU LIKE IT YOU LIKE IT YOU LIKE IT YOU LIKE IT YOU LIKE IT YOU LIKE IT YOU LIKE IT

"Izaaayaaa-kuunn… you can't lie inside your conscience…." Shizuo wore a wicked smile.

"I hate you because-"

YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME

"Oh… so that was it?" Shizuo was awfully close to Izaya. His eyes had a murderous feeling that creeped Izaya a bit.

"So… why does Shizu-chan hate me?"

Shizuo didn't smile. He just showed his sharp teeth.

"Because I want to… Izaya-kun…" He grabbed the smaller man and forcefully placed his hands around Izaya's throat.

"Sh..shii…shiz…shiizu…. I'm sc… arghh…red…. Daanght… waaghnt… tahhh… dieeehh…"

NOTHINGNESS NOTHINGNESS NOTHINGNESS NOTHINGNESS NOTHINGNESS NOTHINGNESS

"What is it Izaya-kun?" Shizuo tightened his grip "I can't hear yoouuuuu…."

"Shiiii….-chaaaannn"

"So… what's your final wish?"

TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED

TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED

TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED

TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE LOVED

TO -E LOVED TO BE LOVED TO BE -OVED TO BE LOVED -O BE LOVED TO -E LOVED

T- BE LO-ED TO BE L-VED T- BE L-VED TO B- LOVED T- BE LOV-D TO BE L-VED

T- BE L-V-ED T- BE –O--D -O B- LOV-D T- BE LO-ED TO B- LOV-D TO B-LO-E-

-O -E L-V-- T- BE –V-- T- -E –OV---

Shizuo snapped from his fit of anger. His hands were still around Izaya's neck.

"I…Izaya…."

No answer.

He placed the body on the floor and tried to shake it.

Izaya was dead.

He saw the tears rolling down Izaya's face. Those tears were beginning to dry.

Shizuo was astonished.

All he could see was a delicate, pale, thin body. So this had been Izaya. Weak complexion but managed to become powerful enough to overcome his physical weaknesses. Weak. Very weak. It almost made him feel like a bully for chasing him all these years.

He looked at the sky. No messages. The sky was white. Shizuo didn't understand why, but he moved on his own impulse and hugged Izaya. He should be happy that he killed him.

'Who am I supposed to hate now…'

He hugged him tighter.

"I hate you… I really hate you… but… I can't live without you…"

He felt weird. His breathing became faster and uneven.

"Can I hate you but want you at the same time?"

When he chased Izaya, he was so full of life and energy. Whenever he saw him, he would feel all the adrenaline flowing through his veins. He felt alive. Although he hated it because he could not keep the promise of controlling his anger.

Shizuo felt cold on the inside. He felt as if acid had been poured into his eyes.

He thought about what Tom said the other day. 'You can't make your anger disappear. It has to go somewhere. And it dissipates whenever you fight with Izaya. That's why you feel more calm whenever he's in Ikebukuro and why many people keep telling you that ironically he is the one that keeps you sane. Izaya is the one who is ready to bear you anger and enjoy it. '

'Wouldn't it be nice if you befriended him and whenever you feel angry, you have those fights? Then, when you calm down you can remain being friends. Of course I'm asking too much… ha…'

'TO BE LOVED'

"Izaya…"

Shizuo never thought that he would cry like he had never cried before… if he killed Izaya.


	7. 6th Step

**One Step: _Sixth Step_**

* * *

Shizuo Heiwajima was standing behind him.

The fresh air of the clear wintery night was tainted with the aroma of cigars.

"Oh? Shizuo?" Izaya wasn't pleased to see him. In fact, just his existence troubled him.

"It's Shizu-chan for you." The debt collector was a bit taken aback by the direct coldness displayed towards him, which wasn't covered by Izaya's usual mockery voice.

Izaya was startled by his comment. Perhaps the crazy bartender had lost his mind and wanted everyone to treat him with '-chan's.

"What the fuck do you want?"

He was in a terrible mood today. He didn't want to use the usual playful tone, he wanted Shizuo to leave him alone and not see him in what remained of his life. He evaluated the possibilities of killing him in this high building. 0 possibilities, since Shizuo could easily throw and kill him first and cornering him was nearly impossible. Shizuo knew all of his tricks.

Izaya turned around. He didn't care if he wasn't facing him, which left him at a dangerous position.

"We need to talk"

"Enter a chat or something." Izaya was still facing the other way. His voice was rough.

"I really need to talk-"

"Leave me alone!" He screamed. "Jump of and die! Why can't you just die and make everything easier!"

There was a deep silence. Izaya decided to turn around and face Shizuo this time. As he expected, the guy was more than just furious.

"WE ARE GOING TO TALK!" There goes another anger fist. He preferred this Shizuo.

"Huuuh?" His voice was full of mockery "Is that how you treat your girlfriends? No wonder why you are always alone. Awww Shizu-chan~ I'm sure everyone will fall for you if you try to kill them every time you meet them, then invade their minds, spy on their childhoods, show how disgusted you are, kill them in their dreams AND return. Yeah, returning is the worst part. Uh huh." Izaya scratched his chin with his eyes closed, and a devilish grin.

"….enough…" Shizuo was staring at the floor, clenching his teeth and fist, shaking with anger.

Izaya looked at his surroundings, making sure that there was nothing Shizuo could throw.

"I hate you. I really hate you. But I need you." Shizuo laughed faintly. "Ironic, isn't it?"

"Well, I DON'T need YOU. You just ruin everything!"

He was angry. Izaya was rarely in an extremely bad mood. The police had nearly found about him and the collective suicide website. That same day, an unknown hacker had invaded one of his laptops and erased minor, but important, information that would take some time to restore. When he was feeling down, Shinra called him and told him about this new Dullahan discovery. Izaya's curiosity needed to be satisfied on a daily basis so he couldn't say no but as soon as he entered, he fainted and realized that he was being used. Then Shizuo entered his mind and saw something he treasured deeply: his childhood. Those memories should be shared with those he trusted, like his sisters or close acquaintances like Namie. Not with this man who hated him, wanted to kill him and would use everything he has to kill him with or without entering into his usual and unstoppably annoying anger fist. He didn't know why, but he felt his mind was dirtied by the sole presence of the blonde.

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU FEEL! I NEED YOU EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED ME!"

And now said person was saying that he needed him. His mind felt much fuzzier and confused than it was before. He felt a soft headache. That hypocrite wanting him? For what? For killing him again and again?"

"I don't want YOU. I'd rather jump than be with you!" There was a long pause. Izaya's face was red from anger and his throat felt sore from screaming. When had been the last time he had been this furious and confused? He took a deep breath and decided that he shouldn't lose his head on this. He was the smartest one here and screaming lowered him to Shizuo's level, which was more than pathetic.

"You're so irritating, I'll leave." Izaya added with a soft voice and tried to regain some self control. He sighed and started walking towards the door.

Izaya didn't know why but as soon as he touched the doorknob his legs refused to move. His hands didn't respond. 'Huh?' he thought. 'What the…' And then, he felt it: Shizuo's extremely piercing glare. It was bothering him since his body refused to move. 'Don't tell me my body is afraid of him, that's so lame'. He turned his neck. At least he would see and not feel that uncomfortable glare.

Shizuo's fists were covered in blood. He was clenching them so hard, he hurt himself without realizing.

"DAMMIT IZAYAAAAA!!!"

The bartender ran towards the informant and grabbed his fluffy jacket's collar.

"Woah? Are you going to kill me again?" Izaya's smile was poorly faked.

No response. Shizuo just held him, shaking.

"My feelings towards you… are intense."

"Huh?" Izaya made a disgusted expression.

"I hate you… but when we fight… I love you. I realized that I enjoy fighting with you. I Love it. I need it."

"Then excuse me for not needing you since our little fights ruin my plans." He stated this as a matter-of-fact.

There was a brief pause. Izaya was getting tired of all these pauses.

"Don't you enjoy our fights?"

'What kind of question is this?' Was his mind raped by Shinra?

"…"

The truth was that the informant enjoyed them. He enjoyed anything that involved using tactics and risks. Nonetheless, he wanted to carry on many projects during his highschool years but couldn't due to those fights.

"No."

Shizuo looked hurt. For a moment, Izaya considered taking back what he said.

"… Why did you become an informant?"

"Isn't it obvious? You entered into my mind, you should know that."

"I…"

"You WHAT?!" Izaya was still angry.

"I… didn't understand it very well…" Shizuo's cheeks turned slightly pink from embarrassment.

"Shizu-chan is so stupidly cute" Izaya said with a mockery tone but couldn't avoid smiling a bit. This garbage could be cute when he wanted to, he was so stupid. Seeing Izaya's honest smile made Shizuo smile too on the inside.

"I wanted to know more about humans… they are amazing, aren't they? They are entertaining to watch, … I love them!"

"I'm human"

Izaya facepalmed.

"Yes, thanks for the obscure information."

"So, You love me as well."

Shizuo's fridge logic was too much for Izaya to handle.

"So… If God is love and love is blind and Stevie Wonder is blind is Stevie Wonder God? You are the only human I hate. In fact I don't consider you human at all. Especially that inhumane strength."

"So that means I'm special"

"What the fuck is wrong with you today? The mind thing did some serious brain damage."

"So why not become a psychologist?"

Shizuo had a point.

"I'm not interested in one person's problems. I'm interested in society as a whole. In connections. I want to fill myself with every piece of information I find."

"Izaya…" Shizuo placed his forehead against his. The informant was getting scared of being knocked down by a headbutt. He chose to stay still and firmly pressed the knife he had in one hand in case something happened.

"You are a bastard." That was the only think Shizuo said. No headbutts, no harm. Just Shizuo calling him what he really was.

"That's my Shizu-chan!" He teased.

"I might start falling for you. Uhg… I'm going insane…"

"Ohhh? If you fell in love with me, then what would you do?" He mocked him in the form of an innocent question with the asker having a not so innocent stare.

"… I guess I'd do what you said before and just jump off from a building."

"And if I fell in love with you?"

"I'd jump as well."

Both men laughed and smiled at each other. Both foreheads were still glued to each other as if anticipating a kiss.

"Shizuuu-chann … you might be falling for me!" Izaya added.

"SHUT UP FLEA. I don't even know why I came here. Bye."

Shizuo left just like that. Izaya could hear the deafening noises of his angry stomps. He smiled and thought that it would be quite boring if Shizuo died.


	8. 7th Step

**One Step: _Seventh_ Step**

**

* * *

**

Shizuo Heiwajima and Izaya Orihara were on good terms. No, they didn't become friends or nor frequented each other. For them it meant less fighting. Instead of trying to kill each other, they would just be contented with inflicting harm and watching the other flee. Perhaps many would view this as a persisting hate and no change in their relationship. But for both men, it meant that they were beginning to get along and tolerate each other presences.

Occasionally, Izaya would drop hints about where each debtor hid or where was his money invested. In return, Shizuo would pretend to ignore Izaya when he saw them and let him carry on his plains. They barely saw each other. Shizuo still wasn't used to his presence and didn't feel like explaining to Tom and Simon why he was getting along with him. Izaya didn't trust him completely as well, and he tried to keep his distance as he always did.

Nothing had changed that much until that night when Shizuo was following one of the debtors. Tom had asked him to follow him and find out what the debtor did with his money without Izaya's help. It was a bit hard to stalk him during midnight without being noticed and losing sight of him. He wondered how Izaya managed to spy on everyone and if he had a sort of 'night vision'.

The middle aged man entered a small pub. He was blinded by the neon decorations and deafened by the loud techno music. The little distraction allowed the man to escape his sight. It didn't matter anyways, he already found out what that man was spending his money on and he should better leave.

"Aren't you the most delicious slut ever?"

Shizuo tried to remember when was the last time he got laid. He knew most girls were terrified of him because his overdrive was also manifested when he was extremely excited and the chat rumors said he made any form of consented sex look as the most horrible rape. When he tried to be delicate and please the girl, he could either A) be slightly turned off, get a weak erection and have average sex B) Lose control, be rough and enjoy it but leave the poor girl sobbing. This was another reason for him to control his anger. No one wants to sleep with someone who loves rough, primitive sex and that would love to inflict harm on the person he's fucking. He really needed to find someone who could take all of his anger in bed and please him. Of course no one is that stupid and masochist to sleep with a demanding, sadistic Shizuo. Having thought of this, he sighed and reached for his cigarette lighter.

He didn't know why, but today he felt a bit needy.

"So, what's your dream sex?"

"Rough. As hard and rough as it can be. It's even better if they leave me defenseless, full of bruises and hand marks on my butt~"

This caught Shizuo's attention. He heard the statement coming from the left side. He decided to take a look at the person who spoke and maybe pay him for some hours of 'service'. He was heterosexual but if this guy could please him more than any girl, then he would forget his heterosexual pride and do him. He was feeling needier with each passing minute.

"Wouldn't it hurt?"

"Ahhhnnn~ I love it when it hurts!"

Shizuo felt his jeans getting tighter. He needed that guy. He was getting turned on just from hearing those words filled with kinkiness. 'I might get a good fuck today.' He though and smiled sadistically.

His smile vanished as soon as he saw him.

Orihara Izaya was surrounded by 3 other men, who were caressing his legs and asking him more questions.

"Do you want to try it with us? We can gang rape you."

"Maybe~"

Shizuo couldn't describe with words what he felt. All he knew was that he dragged Izaya by the collar, carried him like a potato sack on one shoulder and left the pub.

"What the… what are you doing here?"

"IZAAAAYAAAAA…" Shizuo growled.

Izaya's mouth just opened and closed as soon as he felt his jacket and shirt being violently torn apart.

"Aren't you a little slut~?" Shizuo smiled like a madman. It was that same smile he had during his anger fits. Except that this time, the expression on his face was filled with pure, raw lust.

Izaya knew what this meant: Shizuo was out of control and was going to take him in the middle of a dark alley. If he couldn't stop Shizuo when he was angry, how would he stop him when he was horny? In fact, the sole thought of daring to stop him was terrifying.

Besides… Izaya was getting turned on as well. He loved when he was fucked hard and always wanted the subject to thrust into him faster. Until now, no one had been able to please him as he wanted to, they didn't have the energy and/or strength to make him reach a good orgasm. And he accepted that there were times when he imagined how would it be if an angry, unrestrained Shizuo was there on his bed.

It was the first night they had 'hatesex', as Shizuo called it, to protect his pride.

Whenever both guys met by accident in a deserted street, their eyes filled with lust. Soon, they felt that they needed to feel that pleasure more often and they decided to meet on certain places to consummate their lust.


	9. 9th Step

Thanks for reviewing, you are so kind! So here's the continuation of Step 8. It turned out... weird. o.o

* * *

**One Step: _Ninth_ Step**

* * *

"…SIMON?" Shizuo's jaw dropped and his blue glasses tilted. Then he realized where his hand was, hid it behind him, and blushed crimson. Izaya, on the other hand acted like nothing was happening and greeted Simon with his trademark smile.

"Yo, Simon! How's it going?"

Simon was pale, no matter how dark skinned he was. He could almost pass as a tall Japanese now.

"Simon… look… it's not what you…"

"Siiimooon-chan~ Didn't you know? We are dating!" Izaya added with a Lucky Star wink and his tongue on his cheek.

"NO WE ARE NOT! WE ARE… ARGH… JUST SEX BUDDIES!" Shizuo screamed at the top of his lungs.

Everyone in the karaoke looked at them and started whispering. Shizuo was becoming terrified while Izaya's grin grew bigger. A couple of high school girls glanced weirdly at them.

"Yes. He has a big one."

The girls' eyes grew wide open.

"Yeah. Fits. With tons of lubri-"

Shizuo, with a black shadow covering his face, was holding the TV above Izaya, threatening to drop it if he spoke one more word. Izaya sweat dropped.

"Alright, alright."

Shizuo put the TV down.

"Tutti frutti lub-"

Not only was a dark shadow hiding his face but he had an immense cloud of killer aura around him AND he held both the TV and Table number 14's couch.

"Tch. So boooring." The TV was returned to the original position.

"Uh. Orihaya-san?"

Mikado's face was red of embarrassment and shy eyes. Kida was muttering 'OMG, OMG, OMG…' every 5 seconds. Anri, the least troubled, took tons of pictures with her mobile phone.

"Umm… what's a sex buddy?"

"Ah…AH!!! Mikado! Don't- uh. I'll explain it to you later-"

"Sex without rabu~"

"So… you don't love each other?"

"Noope~"

Somehow Shizuo felt a bit hurt.

"Oi. Why are you threatening me with that TV again?"

Shizuo realized what he did and placed it down. None of the bartenders threatened to say something to the debt collector.

"Uh. Sorry. I guess it just slipped past me."

"Uuuuwaaaa! Lover's quarrel!" Kida exclaimed. He wasn't shocked anymore. He was in awe, amazed at seeing both mortal enemies so close. A rare and unique event, definitely. "I guess Orihara-san is always threatened with any object in Heiwajima-san's sight! Amazing!"

"Yeah. Unfortunately." Izaya's smile turned into a grimace.

"Can people have sex without being in love? Is it possible?" Mikado asked.

'So innocent.' Kida sweatdropped and lowered his head in disbelief.

"Awww, Mikado-kun is so cutie cute~! WOULD YOU PUT THAT FUCKING TV DOWN!?"

Everyone laughed (Shizuo coughed, attempting to hide his embarrassed blush), except for Simon who was still pale.

"Hey, Simon! We should celebrate! Why don't you give all of us a discount?"

Simon was still shocked and answered the first sane thing that came into his mind with a faint voice.

"Russia sushi 50% discount for today… Feel free to come-"

"Thanks a lot! You're the best!" Kida gave him a light punch in the stomach. "Everyone, let's go!"

"Russian Sushi? Discount? Fatty tuna? Uh huh. Uh huh." Izaya's fingers rested on his chin while he nodded. "You'll pay my part, Shizu-chan."

"Huh? Pay it yourself."

"Aren't you the man in this relationship?"

"You are a man too."

"But you top me." An imaginary brick landed on Shizuo's head.

Kida bursted out laughing and screaming 'I can't believe this is happening! I love Ikebukuro!' He ignored Mikado's questions about 'Men topping?' 'Could that mean- That?' 'Kida-kun, answer me!' Anri kept her shy attitude but wouldn't stop filming them and taking photos.

"Anri! Be sure to record this even till the end!" Kida pointed a finger at her. Anri nodded. With or without Kida's orders, she would record it anyways.

* * *

_The previous ending was rushed. I was tired to think for a proper one and just wanted to finish the story :C but you're right, it really sucked, thanks for pointing it._

_Rabu~: I love Izaya's engrish, it's so sexy._


	10. 10th Step

_MyraHellsing, thanks a lot for beta-reading this! =) And thanks to everyone for their lovely reviews, they cheer me up._

_Umm... I tried to write an angsty story but I failed x) after all, I had to write the continuation of Simon's reaction._

_

* * *

_

**One Step: _Final _Step**

"Caviar sushi?"

"Try it, Mika-chan!"

"Hmmm…" Mikado hesitated for a moment. "Is it good?"

"It's very delicious! But not as delicious as you are~"

"Umm… ok, I'll try it." As soon as Mikado reached for the mysterious sushi, Kida took it away and devoured it.

"You hesitate, you lose! HMM! Yummy!"

"Kida-kun!" Mikado whined.

"Hahaha! Sorry, sorry! Hehe. Ah… excuse me, Mr. Heiwajima?" he stared at Shizuo.

"What?"

"… nothing!" He pulled a smile and continued to stare at the poor plastic chopsticks that now looked like two small accordions stuck on the plate. Kida was pretty sure that if those chopsticks were metallic, they would have likely broken the plate by now.

"Great. Now I have no chopsticks…" Shizuo muttered.

Izaya made sure that Mikado was facing the other way and pushed his chopsticks towards Mikado's elbow. When said boy turned around, his chopsticks fell.

"Oh no…"

"Mika-chan! You can use my chopsticks!"

"Are you sure, Mr. Orihara?"

"Yes, I'm sure, Mika-chaann. Here! Take them!"

Mikado was about to accept them when Kida elbowed him.

"Oi!"

He pointed towards an angered Shizuo, whose plate was now broken in half due to his finger pressing it when he was trying to retrieve his accordion chopsticks. The part of the table below his elbow threatened to crack. He also had a killer aura around him.

"Mr. Orihara?"

"Yes?"

"Could you give your chopsticks to Mr. Heiwajima?"

"Why? A brute like him can eat with his hands."

Kida took another look at Shizuo. 'This is bad….'

"Shizu-chaaannn! Izayaaannnn"

"Erika… you should… treat them with more respect… Eh? Shizuo and Izaya? Here? Together?"

"Yo. Hope you're not fighting again..."

"Ruri-chan, Ruri-chan… ??? What's going on here?! Shi-shi-shi-… and I-i-za..zaza.."

Mikado sighed. At least he wouldn't be in the middle of the feared Shizuo-Izaya fights for now. He was lucky that Kadota and his band entered the Sushi restaurant.

"Oh, you're here! Let's dine here, Celty!"

"Wait… what?!" Both Kadota and Togusa were deeply confused.

The assembled group decided to get another large table, so they could all fit.

"I don't want to be nosy, or anything, but what exactly are you two doing here?" Kadota asked the pair. "Have you come down to some sort of Treaty of Peace?"

"You mean 'treaty of sushi' since you know Shizuo is treating Izaya? Get it? I mean, it's like a treaty but this involves treating food and-"

"Kida-kun... don't explain your joke..."

"Mika-channnn," Izaya interrupted Mikado and winked at him "What are Shizuo and me?"

Mikado thought for a second, then answered.

"Ah! Sex buddies!"

Kadota, Togusa, Walker and Shinra spat out their drinks. Kida laughed to the top of his lungs and Anri couldn't help but giggle as well. Erika squeaked but poor Celty started to tremble and her PDA read '$%&/(&%%$%??'. Simon didn't say anything. His initial shock didn't vanish, so he kept being lifeless and just serving sushi until he woke up. Shizuo broke the large beer glass he was holding a second ago and blushed furiously.

"NO WE ARE NOT!"

"…but Mr. Heiwajima said th-"

"IZAAAAAAYAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Shizuo lifted the large table, not caring about the plates and vases that fell and broke. He pointed the table at Izaya, with the intention of throwing it at him.

"See, Celty? They still fight, they're not a couple…" Shinra was trying to calm down his homophobic crush.

"YOU SHOULD DIE IZAAAYAAA! I HATE YOU!!!!"

'So they really weren't getting along… as expected.' Kadota thought.

'At least everything back to normal' Togura thought.

'Awwww, what a shame' Complained Erika.

'At least I got my pictures and my video' Anri smiled to herself

'Back to old good Izaya and Shizuo' Walker thought.

Izaya stepped backwards.

So… it was over.

Shizuo hated him once again and they would enter the endless loop of infinite useless fighting.

He knew he shouldn't care about it, since it was predictable that Shizuo would never like him in the first place.

So why should he like him?

Even so, no matter how much he tried to deny it, it hurt.

Trying to ignore these thoughts on his mind, he pulled a fake, defiant smile and spoke with his usual self-confidence.

"What?!"

"WHY ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH THAT RYUGAMINE KID!? HE'S NOT GOING TO PLEASURE YOU THE WAY I DO! IZAYAAAA!"

The reactions on Kadota, Togusa, Walker and Shinra were priceless.

"Shizu-chan…" Izaya was speechless.

"YOU **, YOU LIKE IT ROUGH! HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU SCREAM LIKE I DO! YOU WON'T SCREAM ANY NAME THAT ISN'T MINE!"

While the others were in deep traumatism, Kida had to suppress laughs and took pictures of everyone's reaction, murmuring something about 4chan emotion pics.  
Shizuo threw the table near, but avoiding purposely avoiding Izaya, and panted.

"… He's cute… SO WHAT!?" Shizuo's cheeks turned a bit pink. "I CAN BE FUCKING CUTE TOO!"

Izaya stood up, walked towards Shizuo and cupped his chin.

"You're the cutest of the cute, my baby Shizu-chan." Izaya told him in a soft, soothing voice and gave him a sweet peck on his lips. Shizuo gasped. "Although you are also a brute and I can't play chess with you because you lose on the third turn and it's boringly stupid." He added with his usual pride.

"IZZZAAAYAAAA!" Izaya ran, without forgetting to shout 'Hey, Simon, he pays the bill!'. Shizuo ran after him, holding the large table and looking for the right moment to throw it at the idiot.

"Enemies, friends, lovers… they'll never change. Don't you think so, Celty?... Celty… CELTY!!!"

Celty lay on the floor. She had fainted.


End file.
